12.11.07
Posted in Uncategorized at 11:19 am by juliebug
I sit here, staring at my paper, which is in OpenOffice Writer, and not Word. And it’s late. The paper, that is. The time is mid-morning, but I’ve been staring at it for hours and hours and I’m so tired of it already.
But.
It needs to be done.
But.
I feel the stress, the pressure, the crunch, the absolutely paralyzing need to get it done.
But.
It paralyzes me. I can hardly breathe, sometimes, and my eyes start to water and I have to force a breath in to calm down.
But.
It doesn’t last for long.
But.
I procrastinate, so that, miraculously, an idea, a tiny nugget of wisdom, a lightning bolt of an epiphany… something, anything hits me to finish this paper.
But.
It never comes.
And.
I sit here, on my couch, in what is now the daylight following a night without sleep, dreaming my life away instead of digging into new digital media and its effects on traditional media. Memories hauntingly beautiful and dangerously close, wishes that will never come true, flit through my mind, teasing me, telling me I should already be done so I can try to wish harder or work harder to bring those wishes into reality.
But.
I sit here, and write this blog. I need to break out of this, I need to move against my own desires and habits and lethargy and frustration.
And.
Just do it.
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11.20.07
Posted in Uncategorized at 5:37 pm by juliebug
Dear Mr. Habermas,
You have been my arch-nemesis for two years. Oh, how I struggled with your views and ideas over the course of a year, through 2005 and 2006. So determined was I to excise you from my mind, I promptly forgot about you when my papers and exams were done, until my classes this term in Sociology of the Media and Contemporary News Media. In the latter, my professor turns to me each class when she asks “and who is our favourite theorist?” and, each week until this last, I would grudgingly answer “Habermas,” with just a little bitterness accompanying your name.
Then I realized, Jurgen, we’re not really enemies at all. Despite your dry, horrific translated writings, I can actually embrace the concept of the public sphere. This blog is part of it. Mailing lists are part of it. IRC is part of it.
Once I realized, during last week’s class, that I live, eat and breathe the public sphere, which I call “online communities”, my hatred for you lessened. I finally gave you more than just a little respect and a lot of resentment. I salute you, sir, and though I’m sure I haven’t done nearly enough research and don’t understand half of what you’re talking about, I am downright tickled that the public sphere is not some nebulous concept like many others I’ve had to read about. The public sphere is here, is now and is a huge part of me.
Thank you, Jurgen, for giving me a name for my passion.
Gratefully yours,
Me
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